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294. Urgent changes (fun)

March 3, 2013
 This is an email forward I received…
Press Release
Brussels, Feb. 20th:  The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. The changes will begin with immediate effect and completed by 2018.As part of the negotiations, the  British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for  improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become  known as “Euro-English”.In the first year, “s” will  replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump  with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should  klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.There  will be growing publik enthusiasm in  the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”..  This will make words like fotograf 20%  shorter.

In the  3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted  to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are  possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double  letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate  speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the  silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go  away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such  as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz  yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from  vordskontaining “ou”  and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten  styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil  find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali  kum tru.

Und  efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze  forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza  pepl.

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